I think it must be pretty obvious to readers of this blog that my marriage is of supreme importance to me, verging on the sacred. Every aspect of getting and being married has been a deeply defining moment, a particle-not-wave affirmation: from rushing to City Hall to get Trey on my insurance because I couldn't bear waking up at 2 am anymore to see the love of my life in agony: to all the stress and worry about creating something meaningful and joyful for our friends and family: to how knowing that I have a future with someone and a potential family of my own has radically altered my awareness of how dangerous and insane the world is becoming: to experiencing what "husband" meant in the aftermath of my mother's death, and how wow! we are related! [Think of how you have an aunt and uncle, and then think about how those two were strangers at one point, like, they dated and shit, and now they are part of this familial fabric. Crazy! Actually, the "family tree" trope doesn't make sense, unless each marriage is shown as a graft. 'Cause, that's like incest, yo! But I digress.]
The point is that I take marriage very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that when Trey and I were planning our wedding ceremony, I was frustrated because all the traditional vows we examined (and yes, we looked at the CHRISTIAN vows, too, as a model) had all these diappointing aspects. "'Till death do us part?" "As long as we both shall live?" That sounds like you are looking for an out, to me! So instead of: I Lillet, take you Trey, to be my husband, to live with you in marriage I said:
I, Lillet, take you, Trey, to be my husband
To live with you in marriage forever and ever
and concluded with:
And joyfully forsaking all others, be faithful only to you, for always.
NO mournful, foot dragging compromised forsaking! No "out!" FOR ALWAYS.
I take marriage seriously, which is why I find this "Defense of Marriage" amendment thing such a fucking travesty. What the hell are you defending it FROM? Does Julia Butterfly Hill need to climb up into the belfry of Saint Patrick's so a wrecking ball won't raze it, therefore allowing Tommy Mottola a shot at child bride number 4? That bunker buster test isn't slated to decimate all those drive-thru chapels, is it?
What "traditional marriage" are theese people defending? You mean, back when marriages were arranged for the consolidation of bloodlines or property? Or the good ol' days when the woman was the property of her husband? Do we need to re-introduce livestock as bride price? How about the nice thing that if the husband dies the wife becomes the concubine/property of the brother? [THAT'S why Kim Basinger wanted a divorce!]
America is all about cash and prizes, and, as Gotham Knitter told me in the limo we hijacked from her straight brother's FIRST wedding 12 years ago (to go to a girl party at Gay Pride): "WHERE'S MY CA$H AND PRIZES?" But beyond that, where is her shot at that affirmation? Where is her sanctioned "yes" to creating a life with someone?
As a happily, proudly married woman: guess what? I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE ELSE TO BE HAPPY, TOO. I don't need other married people around me to make me feel like I've done the right thing -- I just know how happy it has made me. If you want to say that kind of 'yes" with your love, than I say AWESOME!! I know how scary and great it is, and I will buy you a drink and bake you a cake! It doesn't diminish me in any way -- what kind of small minded, cold hearted, insecure maniac would I that make me?? The logic of these DOMA douches dictatees that I should petition to have George and Laura Bush's marriage annulled, Britney and K-Feds' too! Hetero marriages that appear shitty and obscene are legion. This is the same junior high mentality of:
OMG, that unpopular girl copied me and is wearing my knee-high pastel tube socks!! The ones I bought at Thom McCann TWO WEEKS AGO! THE NERVE! Let's beat her up!
Wow, what kind of CHRISTIANS are you venal, small-minded jerks?
Shortly before Trey proposed, he had come to see my band play. My friend Simon and his partner Kurt were there: it was one of their last nights out before they packed up and took off for Kansas for six months: they decided to quit their jobs and work on their paintings together in a quiet place. As Trey took me home in a taxi, I told him drunkenly that "I love you so much and I know we can be just like Simon and Kurt and I would move to Kansas with you so we could just be together and work on stuff and I want to be married to you just like that!"
And Reader, we were married. But they aren't. And that is fucking wrong, even though they are already married to the hundredth power.
So let's DO something about it already. Let's not let these dried-up, joyless fucks piss on the 14th Amendment anymore! Equal protection to drive off the cliff holding hands!